


to love someone, other than myself

by invalidprophet



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Gaara is going to throw all his love into Naruto's face and make him see that he isn't meaningless, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Naruto thinks he's worthless and Gaara's like stfu you're amazing I love you, POV Uzumaki Naruto, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23168614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invalidprophet/pseuds/invalidprophet
Summary: Naruto sees himself as a waste of space. Delivering pizza, he could barely afford to pay for college; he can't even pay for groceries! He doesn't like relying on his boyfriend for money, but what else was he supposed to do? He's beginning to think that everyone would be better off without him around.One evening, these thoughts spiral to new depths and it's up to Gaara to pick up the pieces. Through the tears and his own pain, however, Naruto can't begin to imagine the type of thoughts that are going through Gaara's head.Together, they must show each other that true happiness is possible.
Relationships: Gaara/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	to love someone, other than myself

**Author's Note:**

> This started off with the idea that Naruto has no self-confidence and that he doesn't think that anyone truly cares for him. It was just supposed to be a simple one-shot, something to post quickly to get out of my head. But then I kept writing and writing and suddenly, I formed a story.
> 
> This is going to be so angsty, for both Naruto and Gaara, but what's done is done. I'm going to put these two through the ringer and I'm purposely going to make this as depressing as possible until I feel like writing some funny scenes.
> 
> This is going to be my first ever long fanfic, and the most angsty, so I would really appreciate some feedback! I'm not really happy with the way I write, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> This is also somewhat based on the tumblr prompt: "Baby, you're not a bother." "I'm too needy, you don't deserve this."

The pounding on their bedroom door echoed throughout Naruto’s head, the thumping playing in patterns. Three knocks, pause. Two knocks, pause. And then the cycle went on, and on, and on. Naruto was faintly aware of a voice calling out to him from the other side of the door, a soothing call of his own name. And yet, he couldn’t answer, not without opening his mouth. Not without raising his voice.

The thumping continued.

Naruto laid on their bed curled into a ball, his knees touching his chest. Why was he so useless? Why couldn’t he do _one simple thing_?

Three knocks, pause. Two knocks, pause.

He heard the door handle jiggle, and once again a voice called out to him. Pleading with him to open the door, begging Naruto to at least tell him what was wrong. How could Naruto possibly explain to his beloved what he was feeling; what kind of thoughts were running rampant through his mind. Everything that the blond did was wrong, _goddamnit!_ He was so fucking stupid! Brainless, simpleminded, ludicrous.

_Thick-headed._

_Idiotic._

_Dumb._

He couldn’t do anything right; he couldn’t even study for a damn test! Naruto felt tears start to roll down his face, and he grasped his untamed hair tightly. He felt himself start to shake uncontrollably. Numbly he realized that the knocking on the door had stopped, and the silence was unwelcoming. How does Gaara put up with him? He has a mediocre job selling pizza and is barely getting through college. Their shared apartment and bills were almost fully paid by Gaara alone, and the only thing that Naruto is able to provide to their small home is groceries.

Gaara has tried to explain to the blond countless times that he’s alright, he doesn’t need to worry about the bills. _“All I want you to focus on is paying for school,”_ the red-head told him one night, after another breakdown. _“I can handle the bills and anything else we need.”_ Naruto tried telling him that he shouldn’t - _couldn’t_ \- be the soul provider of their relationship, but Gaara wouldn’t listen to him.

 _“It’s the least I could do, after everything you’ve done for me,”_ he reassured. But his words did nothing to calm Naruto’s nerves. He’s smooching off of Gaara; how worthless does one have to be to rely on their partner for everything?!

A broken sob escaped his throat and he clenched his eyes shut. The sun was setting outside, and he and Gaara were meant to be studying for exams right now. His boyfriend had to get ready for work soon - he and his siblings owned a tattoo parlor - and Naruto glumly noted that he’d be gone all night.

_If he hadn’t left already…_

Left alone in his miserable thoughts, he missed the figure outside his window until a loud creaking noise vibrated throughout the room. Suddenly peering up through blurry, tear-stricken eyes, Naruto almost shit himself when he saw a figure crawling into the bedroom. The blond bolted up and swiftly looked for something to defend himself. As the figure planted a foot onto the ground, Naruto shouted and chucked a pillow straight at the intruder.

“GAHHH, get the hell outta’ here!”

“Naruto, calm down. It’s me.”

Blinking, Naruto looked up and felt his shoulders slump. Gaara stood in front of their window, the pillowy weapon in his hand - he must’ve caught it with ease. The blond laughed uneasily as Gaara just stood there, staring at him with his striking, seafoam green eyes. Unamused.

Naruto reached up and started scratching at the back of his neck, still unnerved by Gaara’s silence. His boyfriend was naturally silent, his subdued nature a direct contrast to Naruto’s energetic, boastful personality. Normally, his silence was calming. A small constant in a world full of uncertainties.

But now, in this exact moment, it threw Naruto off. Gaara’s face was perfectly blank as he gazed at his boyfriend, his expression unreadable. Was he mad that Naruto locked him out of their bedroom? Was he upset that he left him so rudely during their study session? Naruto surely would’ve been pissed off if he was ditched.

This just went to show how much Gaara didn’t deserve a nobody like himself.

The silence stretched on, and he glanced at the clock sitting on their night stand. Eight o’clock, on the dot. Naruto sniffed; he was dimly aware of the fact that tears were still streaming down his face. “So, aren't ya’ supposed to heading over to work now?” he questioned. Surely, the only reason Gaara broke into their own apartment - how the hell did he enter their bedroom in the first place; there wasn’t even a fire escape on the other side of the window! - was to get into his uniform. Why would anyone bother with him when he couldn’t even provide them support? He was worthless, he worked as a pizza delivery boy earning minimum wage. Gaara at least had a good paying job; and even if he didn’t, his rich father sent him weekly allowances.

Why did he even bother staying with someone as poor as himself?

_Pathetic..._

Gaara’s voice broke Naruto out of his self-deprecating thoughts, his deep voice jolting him into reality. Sometimes he forgot how low his voice was, and when they stood in a perfectly silent room, his voice would vibrate throughout Naruto’s body.

“I took tonight off,” he said. “You’re more important to me right now.” Naruto jolted, there’s no way he meant that. He breathed heavily, before stuttering out a quick and clear statement: “You… don’t mean that.”

He felt a hand tentatively touch his shoulder, gently squeezing. How did Gaara make it across the room without the blond noticing? “Naruto… please stop crying.” His shoulders began to shake once more and he let out another shuddering breath. _Oh God…_

He’s causing him more needless problems. Why would he take off work for him? Naruto recalled that earlier that night Gaara told him that he had a client who wanted a tattoo of a dragon in the center of his back. Something incredibly complex, and would’ve taken hours to do. _Something he would’ve been paid handsomely for…_ Stupid. He needed to do something, get out of the house. Maybe move back home with his adoptive father. He just couldn't be with Gaara right now. Not when he was causing his beloved to lose money for no reason.

 _Except, he was doing it for you. He’s worried_ , a reassuring voice spoke at the back of his mind. No, he shook his head quickly to get rid of that thought. There’s no way in hell he’d be worried about someone as lowly as himself.

“Naruto, look at me.” Silence answered him. One, two, three seconds and Naruto still didn’t answer. How could he, when he knew that if he spoke he’d burst into tears once more. He felt a weight next to him and the red-head sat besides him, pulling Naruto’s head into his lap. Gingerly, he began running his fingers through his hair and began to hum. Faintly he recognized the tune as a lullaby sung in Suna - Gaara’s home country, where he was born and raised until his older siblings got custody of him and moved to Konoha.

The sedative tune alleviated Naruto of some of his insecurities, allowing his thoughts to breathe a breath of fresh air. Before he realized it, his eyes began to slip close as the song lured him to sleep.

“Go to sleep… We’ll talk in the morning when you’re feeling better,” Gaara whispered. What is there to talk about? Why was Naruto so upset in the first place?

Naruto turned his bright, cerulean eyes towards Gaara’s. Making eye contact, he opened his mouth to say something; to ask why he wasn’t at work. Ask if he wanted to continue studying tonight, perhaps. _Something_ , to make up for his own behavior. But before he could say anything, the crimson haired man touched his lips, effectively silencing him. “Rest,” he soothed. “Don’t worry about anything now. You need to sleep, you’ve had a rough night.” He removed his light touch from his lips, and the small man began adjusting himself on the bed; he laid down, resting his head on the mountains of pillows behind them and once more pulled Naruto onto his chest.

He reached towards the bright, orange covers and pulled them towards the duo. After he tucked the both of them in and shut off the lamp on the nightstand besides the bed - when did Naruto turn on the light?- he once more began running his hands through Naruto’s messy locks. His nails carefully scratching his scalp, relieving the once distressed man of his worries; at least for the rest of the evening.

Naruto felt his eyes begin to close once more, and Gaara took that as a sign to begin humming the lullaby afresh. Now that his mind was finally at peace, and he was no longer freaking out, he realized how exhausted he was. Maybe, he could ignore his problems for now. Maybe, he’ll take his boyfriend’s advice and discuss the events that took place earlier in the evening tomorrow when they both woke up.

Fingers wound through his rough hair, and with an airy tune resounding throughout their bedroom, Naruto allowed himself to close his eyes. He adjusted his position slightly, so that he was settled directly above Gaara’s heart.

Within minutes, Naruto was sleeping. Curled up in his beloved’s embrace, he could finally allow his thoughts to collect themselves after the distressing evening they had. The last thing he heard before dreams took ahold of him was:

_“Good night, Naruto… I love you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated, and let me know whether there's any inconsistencies with my writing so I can fix it please!
> 
> I'm not good with deadlines, however I will be attempting to post chapters weekly. I also want to make chapters slightly longer!
> 
> Next chapter: We find out what got Naruto so worked up, and Gaara is able to rid him of those thoughts... Temporarily.


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